For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice. ~T.S. Eliot
This dog of a year.
I’ll try not to make this yet another post about my terrible year. (You can click on that glowing link just there if you want the details). Suffice to say I’m giving 2011 a good hard kick in the shins.
There have actually been many positives about this year. They may not have surfaced often enough in my posts. But they have been there.
Blogging – I’ve always loved writing. But this year I needed it like never before. I needed it like a drug. I needed to release my anger. I needed to make my soul soar above it. I didn’t care if anyone read my words. I just wanted them to have a home. On the good days, I tried to be creative and write about other things other than myself. But most days I reflected on my despair. I was in so deep that it was hard to pretend otherwise. So thank you for bearing with me. I’m hoping next year I’ll write more about what is around me rather than just what is in me. Whatever I do, I hope I never ignore my passions or my truth.
Forgiveness – This year I was humbled by the power of forgiveness. It’s a potent force that hits you in the gut if you let it. When someone opens their heart to let you back in, it blows you away. Not only did I experience it daily with Mr G as I stumbled and grumbled through each day, but a friend came back into my life. After 10 years apart, we mended bridges. And I am so grateful for her forgiveness. My life is so much richer for her presence back in it.
Health – I re-discovered just how important it is to take care of my body. Only when our health is teetering on a knife’s edge do we realise these obvious things. I also discovered that mainstream medicine didn’t have all the answers for me. I discovered the wonders of holistic therapies and the wisdom of considering how our emotions affect our bodies.
Confidence – I re-discovered my confidence in doing things I am good at. Before having children I worked for years in office jobs where my skills and talents (and personality) were not valued. My pre-children career was like a bad marriage, but one I felt compelled to stick at for the sake of financial security. Being a mother has freed me of this as I have discovered myself again. This year I discovered I was good at many things, however small. Like cuddling my babies… like packing suitcases…. like organising holidays…. like making birthday cakes.
Strength – I discovered an inner strength that I didn’t know existed. On the surface it may not have been obvious to others, but the fact that I didn’t collapse in a heap many more times than I did was due to digging deep to a crazy determined will to survive. I felt like a wimp and a failure most of the time. But I did indeed survive! I pulled through! And I’m proud of myself.
Family – I discovered how much I treasure my little family. The heartache of caring for them is indeed inversely proportional to the joy they give me. There’s nothing I cherish more. I’m so very very blessed to be their mother.
Here’s to a new voice for next year’s words.
Here’s to new beginnings.
Bright, shiny new beginnings.
The title of my post has me humming to that Green Day song. So here it is.
* Thanks to my friend Karen for alerting me to the awesome T S Eliot quote.