And if I wait for the ideal conditions to appear at an ideal time in an ideal world then clearly this blog would not get written at all.
So here I go. Writing mainly for me, but my friends are invited to share the journey too.
As I type this, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. Baby who won’t sleep is crying and thrashing about in my arms. Bored toddler is creating an ever-widening circle of mess. And my tired old body is in a bit of pain. Many tears were shed today – by all three of us. I’m finding this parenting gig hard.
I’d rather be real than gloss over everything with a Supermum smile. Being a mother of two little people is harder than I ever imagined. (And I thought one was tough… and my mind can’t even comprehend how mothers of more than two cope!). What this has taught me is that you can never judge anyone with how they’re coping as a parent. The fact that I’m finding it tough doesn’t mean that I’m a failure, it’s just my reality at this point in my life. And it probably means I need more support. I believe I’m doing the best that I can do given my available resources.
Being a perfectionist is overrated. And although it goes against every fibre of my being, I try to surrender every day. Imperfection is hard to admit to. So here’s a few confessions to start off with: I haven’t cooked a proper dinner for 4 months. I often lose my cool with my toddler and don’t interact with her the way I’d like to. I let my toddler watch way too much TV. I have a cleaner that helps me keep the house in a liveable state. My husband does most of the dishes, laundry and home maintenance.
And still I don’t feel I have enough time. So what do I actually DO? I care for my children. I spend every minute of the day and much of the night in the total care of their physical and emotional needs. That’s a pretty important job. I’ll write about the positive and rewarding side of this job another day.. for now, I’ll take a deep breath and tell myself “I’m doing okay”.
It’s not going to be this tough forever. Despite how overwhelming ‘right now’ feels, I do have some hope, a wild hope that it does get better. If you’re struggling at the moment, I’d like to share some of that wild hope with you.